Springfield to be Translated

In an spectacle not seen since the City of Enoch, our own town of Springfield is expected to be taken up into heaven after 3:00pm Saturday. Town resident Matilda Jenkins had been the last holdout following the mass conversion of the rest of the town by LDS missionaries. Mrs. Jenkins had been insisting that she wouldn't be baptized unless her faithful poodle, Snookums, could join her in the oridinance. The breakthrough came when Snookums fell into the neighbors pool and came out a with bright white fur. "Its a miracle," Mrs. Jenkins announced. "My Snookums done gone and baptized herself. I'm ready to follow her example."